Persistence and Surrender
The spiritual life is meant to
be progressive. It is not meant to be static.
But the fact is, most seekers throughout the ages have known long periods where
their spiritual life was anything but progressive.
For most of us the spiritual
life is progressive in the beginning. If it wasn’t, it would never attract us.
Perhaps one way to explain that early progressive period is that it may be a
recollection of what we have learned in previous births. However, the
unfortunate feature of that part of our spiritual life—no matter how positive
it may be from many points of view—is that it is all about us. We are thrilled
with what we have found, and very often it gives us a feeling of our own
importance. We have been called by God, we are special, we are making unusual
progress. It is all about how good we are as an ego.
That, of course, is a total
contradiction of the truth that we are learning. The truth that we are learning
is that all is One, and to realise the truth, the ego has to die. But here, the
ego is actually getting fattened by learning and experiencing these truths.
This, of course, is a contradiction that has to fall under its own weight. The
result is a dry period or even a dark night of the soul.
Sooner or later this should be
replaced by a progressive period which is usually made possible by the dose of
humility we get during the dry period. The dry period is actually a period of
purification. Our ego is brought under control. It is humiliated until there is
a recognition that we are not so great, and a humble dependence upon God begins
to dawn.
If the dry period has gone on
long enough and the surrender is deep enough, then whether we know it or not,
our spiritual life becomes progressive again, but on a different basis. Pujya
Swami Chidanandaji once said, "The spiritual life doesn’t really begin
until you know who you are." However, the spiritual life can begin in a
real sense without us consciously being aware of who we really are. If deep
surrender and trust is there, then in fact we know who we are without knowing
who we are. It is so because we are coming from the right place and our
spiritual life is being done on the right basis.
Actually, our goal is to be
rid of any idea that we are anything. We think that God-realisation means that
we can boldly state, "I am That." Perhaps it is so, but we don’t see
the great ones walking around declaring, "I am that." Rather, there
is a deep humility, an emptiness that we see in them. It is these long periods
of dryness that help to empty us of "I am this, and I am that," and
lead us towards the emptiness we see in the great ones.
What is required of us is two
things—persistence and surrender. Never give up, never give up, never give up:
"It all belongs to You, O Lord. I will never give up, and I will wait
patiently upon Your grace."
Excerpts from:
Persistence
and Surrender by Swami
Atmaswarupananda
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